Commentary: "Dear 20th Century Fox..."

Allen Pinney spells out how the recent Fantastic Four movie, linked with the X-Men, should have been.

posted August 8, 2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear 20th Century Fox,

 

Please stop. Please stop making movies using Marvel properties. Please stop making horrible movies with Marvel properties. The fans have grown tired of your constant embarrassments and the casual fans can’t get on board with this mess either. Marvel was right to cancel the Fantastic Four comic book, you’ve had three chances, and you’ve struck out three times. You. Are. Done.

 

Signed,
Allen “Make Mine Marvel” Pinney
(Long time FF fan and long-suffering movie goer.)

 

P.S. Want to know how to fix this? I’ll tell you… for FREE.

 

With this recent Fantastic Farce, Hugh “Wolverine” Jackman about to retire and the latest X-trilogy coming to a close, you are in the perfect position to relaunch/reboot/reinvent both of these franchises. Don’t want to give them back to Marvel/Disney? Fine, could you at least play ball like Sony is, then?

 

When you reboot, do yourself a favor and steer clear of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and create your own, alternate, Marvel Movie Universe. hop in the TARDIS and scoot back in time to the birth of Marvel Comics… NYC, 1961.

 

That’s right, the swinging 60s. Free of the crowded superhero world that exists today, a fun, funky world on the verge of change. And the best part? Your heroes will be the first to arrive! The Fantastic Four will be heralded as rock stars, the girls love that handsome, carefree Johnny Storm. The public digs the big brain, super-science nerd Reed Richards. Sue Storm, well, women want to be her and men want to be with her. And poor, soulful Ben Grimm, don’t worry he’s funny and charming and the kids dig a giant, orange rock man! And check that out, they just saved an New York City from being swallowed by a giant sinkhole and that skeevy Mole Man. So by now, the only person that doesn’t love them is Victor Von Doom.

 

And those X-Men? Hoo-boy, nobody likes those mutants, especially when Magneto and his Brotherhood show up first and cause all sorts of trouble with that whole Cuban missile thing. How will the public ever trust the TRUE first class of X-Men? The bald guy in a wheel chair who can read minds? He’ll steal all of the Government’s secrets! That kid with lazer-beam eyes? He’ll fry us all if we don’t do what he says. And look at that freak, with his giant feet and hands - look he hangs upside down like a monkey! That Ice guy, he’ll freeze you to death, don’t touch him! And what’s with that redhead, she’s hiding something, but what? Holy… Does that dude have wings?! That can’t be right, what’s wrong with those freaks?!

 

Those are just the first two movies, then you roll out FF2 and X2.

 

The heroes of the Fantastic Four battle Doctor Doom as he tries to take over the world. And the misunderstood mutants continue their battle with Magneto and the Brotherhood, and the rise of anti-mutant racism. (Seriously, read a comic book, this $#!+s been written FOR you!)

 

Now comes the fun part FF3 & X3 and… GALACTUS!

 

FF3 - The Fantastic Four have their hands full when a mission to the Moon reveals a race of super-beings known as the InHumans. While in a throw down with Black Bolt and company guess who shows up? The Silver Surfer! And he arrives ahead of the Eater of Worlds with a message for Earth: Prepare to be consumed. With the certain destruction of their home worlds at hand the FF, the InHumans and Doctor Doom come together to prepare for battle. And during the Mid-Credit sting Reed, Doom and Black Bolt come face to face with Charles Xavier and ask for his help.

 

X3 - Magneto has had enough. Having created the Mutant nation of Genosha, Magneto and the Brotherhood (and his new followers) have grown restless and prepare to wage war against the Homo Sapiens. Professor X and his recruit a handful of new, deadlier mutants to wage guerrilla warfare and the X-Force Strike Team is born. While the mutant war rages and many mutants are dying and new threat arrives on scene: Annihilus, the Living Death. As a herald of Galactus, Annihilus is ruthless and destructive and is determined to rid the earth of mutant super-beings who might pose a threat to his master. We witness the actual arrival of Galactus and its effect on Earth and its super-beings. The film ends with all sides poised to be crushed under Galactus’ giant hand. No mid-credits or after credits scene just silent black screen. Oooooh, what’s gonna happen?!?!

 

“Fantastic Four & The X-Men”, that’s what!

 

Reed, Doom, Black Bolt, Xavier and Magneto band together to battle the combined powers of the Heralds and Galactus. A giant space battle ensues and Reed Richards opens a Negative Zone portal transporting everyone away from Earth and into unknown. The Earth is safe as the heroes and villains battle across time and space, using Mutant Powers, Science and brute strength to trash Galactus and his Heralds. When the battle is won our heroes return to Earth, but it’s not their Earth! A somehow much older version of The Fantastic Four are greeted by their children Franklin and Valeria Richards! What?! And Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters is now the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. Complete with an all-new, all-different student body and faculty. Gasp!

 

This cliff-hanger ending will lead directly into next re-boot of the property. And on, and on, and on… Stop worrying about what came before, stop trying to reinvent the wheel, stop the nonsense and just tell a good story based on good stories that have been written for you. Play ball with Marvel/Disney and get their input (It’s going to work for Sony & Spider-Man!) too. Foster some goodwill between you and the fans, because if you give it your best effort and don’t hide anything from them, they’ll be on your side and they’ll go see your movies instead of trashing them on the internet.

 

See guys, it’s not that hard.

 

Allen really is a longtime fan of Marvel Comics, with the Lee & Kirby, Waid & Wieringo and Fraction & Bagley/Allred runs among his favorite Fantastic Four stories.